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I want to kill myself

I am dumb and lazy as hell but at the same time I am willing to achieve “big things”, sounds stupid? Yes, it is, honestly everything I say sounds stupid, it’s not only because English isn’t my first language, I believe it’s mostly not because of it, it’s because my little goddam monkey brain can only do two things - want to die and want to binge, and by binge I mean that I will literally eat everything which is in the fridge. It can’t form sentences correctly so that I don’t sound like a 4 year old.

I constantly feel like I’m a burden to all the people around me, I am practically worthless, I need to die

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Re: I want to kill myself

I’m a Christian so some of this advice may not apply with your religious beliefs. But much will.

My dad was Spanish. Mom Native American. But both part white. I pop out looking like a giant Viking.

They hated me. Blond hair. Yellow blue eyes. Dad tried to kill me. Mom gave me away.

I’m autistic & was born with a disability. I spoke with sign. Struggled to do some stuff. I was told I’d never be able to talk; run, learn.

I had no one to help me. On my own. I scored touchdowns in football. I hit home runs. I got college degrees. I built stuff for space.

I have an autistic son. They said give up. I didn’t. I saw him win races; win martial arts tournaments; win music & academic awards.

I believe that God made our souls. We are all special.

There’s a boy named Tyler Trent. Look him up on YouTube. Tyler Trent Purdue super fan. I communicated with him before he died. Amazing person.

The first thing you need to do is quit calling yourself a monkey. Your a wonderful person. We all are.

Some of us have to fight harder than others.

Secondly you have to get outside yourself. None of us are that important to the earth. We are all miracles to God.

Find interests. Burn energy. I like to watch comedies. Seinfeld. Friends. Mash. Christmas Vacation. I listen to music to exercise. Oz Crazy Train; Osmonds Crazy Horses. I listen to songs & dance. Uptown Funk; I’m Bringing Sexy Back. I listen to songs & sing. Elvis Rainbows; What a Wonderful World. My voice sounds like his by the way. So unless it’s blues I sing terribly. But I dance great.

I have Christmas lights & lava lamps. I stare at them each night as I fall asleep. I go out & watch animals. Watch trees sway. I draw pictures. I read Dean Koonz. I read science fiction.

I watch American college football. I do a lot of aerobics. You have to put meaning into your life.

I read the Bible. I play online video games.

Cheer up little one. I felt like you at your age. I grew up & experienced amazing things. Life is a miracle. Enjoy it.