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I want to let go!

My heart is loving someone I'm suppose to hate.

I'm friends with this guy, we were in a relationship sometime ago which ended for some silly reasons. Somehow we got talking and we became best of friends hardly going a day without hearing from each other. The bond strengthen and I fell in love with him again. I decided to let it out hoping to feel better. I did felt better but I wasn't comfortable with how things turn out. He makes it clear that we can't date I understood and thought (I could deal with my emotions) but I was wrong. The more I see him the more I want him.

Now I really want to let go of him but its difficult for me, I see myself replying to his chats and chatting him up. we fight a lot now. It keeps hurting me that I can't let him out of my mind because I really want to.

I blame myself for sticking around for this long. I hate him! He toils with my emotions at even given opportunity(maybe I was wrong for lettibg him know how I feel) . I try avoiding him hut he keeps coming back.

I so much hate him for that. I really want to leave him for good... It seems I'm loosing my sanity! i find it so hard loving another, ever since I met him. (This is toxic). I need help. I can't continue in this emotional torture, he's a jerk. I hate him.