5 months ago
Time Spent- 15m
10 Visitors

I want to love her because that's what she deserves

Over a year ago, I met the sweetest and best person in a psychiatric hospital (out of all places).

We met when we were both at our lowest and we clicked from the moment we started talking (once we got over the initial awkwardness).

She helped me with a breakdown or two, and when I was discharged I left a huge chunk of my heart with her, and she has it to this day.

I consider her a really great friend. We chat almost every single day over the phone. We're both in the LGBT+ community. We have a somewhat similar taste in music (although she leans to the rock side, where as I am more of a pop person, but we do share quite a lot of music together).

Both our home situations and livelihoods are not the greatest. I wish, more than anything, that I could take away any and every ounce of pain she's ever felt because she - out everyone I've ever met in my life, aside from my best friend - does NOT deserve it at all.

She deserves all the love that her family does not give to her, and I have some of that love in me. It's mostly from a place of friendship but does have the potential to go in a romantic direction - I just stop from heading there because we have more of a sisterly dynamic anyway.

In another life, I could've been what she deserves. In another life, I could've been able to do more than send a "feel better" gif or a meaningless and wordy paragraph that will not fix her situation or make her feel better.

In another life, I would make her see that she should never see a reason to take her life or feel worthless because of how badly she's treated. In another life, I would have been able to love her like no one else ever has or ever will.

But I can't do that, because I've destroyed everyone I've ever loved and I don't want to do that to her.