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i wanted to rant to shut up

hi, i just found this place and anted to write because i am so f'ing bored. I miss my old life so bad. Everyone thinks of tennis as this easy sport to make fun of. But as writing, as a 14 year old tennis player, ur mistaken. A little backstory, I do online school just for tennis, I travel the world for tourneys and i train about 5 hours per day and 1 and a half hours of fitness. But I wish I could go back to my old self. When I would live in the North, not worry about if the ice creme I eat would take away from my abs, if I didn't work hard enough to beat other girls. I want to go back to Europe when I was innocent, wasn't a bitchy russian girl and just lay in the grass and be grateful. You never know what you have lost until you have lost it. And in my case I lost my true self. Now I am just an aspiring athlete trying to make that 0.0000000001% of professional tennis players. I battle an individual, mental and physical sport where I have to look mean, intimidating and rough on the outside when I am falling apart on the inside. Now that I think about it, I wish I would have never picked up a racket when U was 6 and stuck to being a ballerina <3