This is a long read. For context, I am a 15 year old female and was 15 when this happened. My sister is 25 and her boyfriend is 27. Back in January, my sister and her boyfriend invited me to their apartment to stay for a week, I was excited because my sister and I never hung out, and I wanted to get away from my grandparent’s asap. While I was at their apartment the first time around, my sister and her boyfriend constantly did sexual things together around me. My sister’s boyfriend would even masturbate on the same couch as me when we watched anime. I thought he did this because he was comfortable around me, and I thought it was a normal thing. So my dumbass didn’t say anything and said it was okay when he was like “ I’m gonna masturbate right now, is that okay? “ and “ if you say you’re uncomfortable I’ll stop. “ Other things happened while I was there the first time like them having v e r y loud sex in the next room on purpose, my sister’s boyfriend talking about my boobs all the time, and my sister talking about how I have a sexy body. They would constantly talk about how I was mature for my age, too. I really looked up to my sister and her boyfriend so I thought if I let them do these things around me they would like me better and think I was cool.These all should have been red flags and I should have left then and there, but I stayed because my sister’s apartment was the only place I could smoke weed ( which I relied on heavily back then ) and escape from my grandparent’s house. I have very low self-esteem so when they talked about how sexy my body was I was happy. Looking back, all I feel is disgust. Now let’s fast forward to June. Things got progressively worse here. They invited me back again, but this time it was for two weeks. I was diagnosed with MDD in 7th grade and I felt so comfortable with my sister and her boyfriend that I talked about my problems with them then, and how I thought my mom dismissed my mental illness. My sister then began to tell me all these horrible things about my mom, and even went as far as to say that she was mentally abusive. Now, this isn’t true at all. My mom certainly isn’t perfect, but she isn’t abusive. But back then I thought it was true because my sister is such a good liar. Shortly after my sister convinced me my mom was abusive, and they normalized a lot of things that very much so wasn’t normal, my sister’s boyfriend came to me and asked if I wanted to watch them have sex so I can ‘learn’ how sex is irl. At first I said no, and that I wasn’t comfortable doing that. But he forcefully started rubbing my crotch area and it made me horny. I should have stopped him and been more forceful, and my mind was screaming at me to make him stop, but I didn’t. I let my stupid horny-ness cloud my judgment and I ended up saying I would watch them. After I said yes, he left the room and my sister came into the room after a few minutes. She said that I didn’t have to, and that if I was truly uncomfortable I didn’t have to. But I STILL SAID YES, even though I wasn’t comfortable at all. To this day I still have no idea why I said yes, and I regret saying yes all the time, because the events that followed have traumatized me. I didn’t just watch like they said I would, they allowed me to participate. No matter how much I didn’t want to do the things they asked me to do, like sucking off her boyfriend and kissing my sister, I still did it. Because I’m stupid, and disgusting. I ended up being so uncomfortable that I pretended to be sleepy so they would leave me alone and let me sleep. After this whole situation happened, my sister’s boyfriend would do sexual things to me and would try to watch me as I showered. I allowed him to do sexual things to me because I didn’t know what to do, and he made me horny like he did the first time. Every time I tried to tell him no he would Insist and even forced my hand to give him a hand job one time. Thankfully my sister never asked me for sexual favors. When my sister’s boyfriend asked for me and my sister to do sexual things with him again, I said no. And it was a hard no. After experiencing that act of incest I forced myself to endure, I absolutely refused to do anything with my sister again. I’m not into that kind of stuff at all, and I feel so disgusted in myself for allowing them to do these things to me. It was all my fault, I should have been more persistent and ignored my horny-ness when my sister’s boyfriend fingered me or touched me in inappropriate places. My sister and her boyfriend have done many other things, and there are things that happened that I regret a lot ( like getting blackout drunk one night and not knowing what happened to me while I was in that state ) but then this entire confession would turn into a book. Ive had nightmares about my sister’s boyfriend, and every time someone mentioned my sister or her boyfriend I start to have flashbacks to what happened. I’m still forced to be around my sister because she’s my family, and there’s no way in hell I would ever tell someone about what happened. I’m a disgusting person. I hate myself so much, and I’m contemplating just ending it all so I don’t have to deal with this anymore. Maybe in my next life I will know how to say no and establish clear boundaries.