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I Was Problematic

When I was 16, I thought it was funny to say the n word, use other slurs, make offensive jokes. More and more as I get older and educated my guilt gets worse to the point where sometimes I will have panic attacks over my past actions. Is it wrong to feel this way? Is it wrong to be worried that other people will find out and hate me? I feel like I have to hold myself accountable but at the same time I'm so ashamed of what I've done. I feel like I've ruined my life.

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Re: I Was Problematic

I’m mixed. I grew up in late 60’s & 70’s. Moved to black & white areas. I actually look white mostly. But I’m not. I was called racist crap by whites & blacks. In America the media & Hollywood throws an endless pity party for blacks. In reality a high % of blacks use racist words; hate & attack other races too. Asians are the least aggressive in our country. Well; all humans suck.

I’m impressed at your personal growth. As someone called all the racist words I forgive you. My son had black friends. They’d use the N word non stop. They called him that. He’s white. So he said it one day. They didn’t care. He was their bro; but I cared. He was very young. Long talk. He cried. It’s all about growth. But I warned him. We are smart athletes. A few yrs later he already had colleges sending people to sneak around & watch him & talk to me. I knew the deal. I warned him anything he texted or was recorded could come back at him in a few yrs.

Jesus came to show you the path. What’s in your heart? Only Jesus has to forgive you. I don’t. They don’t. Only Jesus. You know your heart. So relax. Jesus loves you. I love you. Act like it never happened. If someone calls you out on it in the future say yes; I was once wrong; then I changed & God forgave me, so it’s all good.

So chill brother.