Ok so this is a long one, so I apologize in advance, but please read my story.ive never told anyone this, but to put it bluntly, I was ‘touched’ when I was younger, by my uncle. he touched me inappropriately for years before the specific incident, starting probably when I was about 9. one night, when I was around 11, my mom asked him to babysit me because my parents both worked, he was a drunk then, and he still smokes weed. He was high and drunk that night, when he made me touch him. It was only briefly, because I said no and ran upstairs soon after. I sat up there with a knife until he passed out, and didn’t get any sleep.I still hate my right hand, and I hate using it to touch my face or other people. I think I often have weird issues with it, like whenever I remember, I subconsciously hit it on objects like my desk in school to stab my hand with my pencil.recently, I went to my friends birthday party and her dad got drunk and started being very ‘friendly’ towards her. He didn’t touch her or anything, but it was weird. Anyway, I think I had a panic attack but I don’t want to self diagnose. I couldn’t breathe and I was (unintentionally) sobbing, along with wanting to kill her dad right then and there. She asked me and persisted, so I just told her my family is full of drunks, (which it is anyway) and she backed off the topic. im considering telling my 16 y/o cousin, but I’m afraid he’ll tell because I feel guilty and gross all the time. I don’t really want my uncle to go to prison, for some stupid reason. They probably wouldn’t believe me and my cousin anyway. I can’t talk about without shaking and/or crying, for some reason.anyway I appreciate you reading and understand if you don’t know how to approach this. :)just for preface, I’m only 12 now :/ (extra notes:)a lot of the time I feel disgusted with myself and want to cut my hand off??I get really angry whenever I think about it, and even sometimes think about killing him, but those thoughts never last long.