I know I am replicating my issue with my original family. Seeking love and approval from those who doesn't really love me, who only treats me nicely when it works for their benefits. My suffering in this relationship to him is his "advantage". I want to leave but it feels unbearable. I wish I could kill myself.I can't talk to anyone because I feel so ashamed to feel this way. I really don't want to be in this world.