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I won’t commit suicide

The idea of suicide is not to die but to kill ourselves. To kill our pain. But that doesn’t happen. We just die, don’t we? I’m here all alone this night, all my family is in the house, yet I’m all alone. My boyfriend has locked himself in depression, he cannot help me. My father’s only speech to me is: “there’s no argument with ******”. I have no power over my room. I’m alone and useless. I feel dead.