Today he held a knife to my throat.
He said "I love you but sometimes I fucking hate you."
"our children would be best of if you were gone. I'd be better off"
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with that. After he dropped the knife to my stomach and proceeded to rape me, all the while holding the knife against my skin.
I was crying, I couldn't scream because our children are sleeping next door. Afterward he said he was sorry, he said he didn't know what came over him, I just make him so angry.
If I'm being completely honest, I'd rather be dead than have to deal with this on a daily basis.