TW: i think i’m heading towards a rlly bad depressive episode. it’s just that for so long i distracted myself and pretended as if everything is okay but now i realize that it isn’t. i have some friends and family but i could never bring myself to be open with them and i don’t think i could anytime soon. my brother, who i care about a lot, has been going through it maybe even worse than me. and for so long i felt as if it was my responsibility to make sure he’s okay all the time. my parents expect so much from me like in school and with being there for my brother. he talked to me the other night abt his suicidal thoughts and i tried not to burst into tears imagining what it’s be like if he left. i swear i’m trying so hard but it feels like i’m going to explode. i can barely get myself up in the morning, and i can barely take care of myself. but i feel like such an awful person if i finally start to take care of myself while i should be putting my energy into making sure he’s okay. i’m also the younger sibling but i’ve grown up feeling like i’m the older one. today was one of my worst days ever i just don’t know what to do anymore.