I've written all I got to say,
But the words rot and scatter away.
So with a hole in my heart I'm stuck on a boat,
slowly sinking just in sight of shore.
I work so hard to make my life worse
And in my happiest dreams I dream of riding a hearse.
But I know I could never leave it behind
For in this pain is all the truth I'll ever find.
And though she gave me her love,
Selfishly I feel that it is not enough.
I know it in my heart, oh I swear,
I'm the reason she's not there.
I dream about her all day long,
Yet every thought turns out pitiful and wrong.
Something isn't right, and I know it's me
Because you were a angel that got mixed with me.
I can never just be what and who I am.
So much hatred that I know no one can understand,
I put my feelings into words that rhyme
To give myself a voice for what's inside.
Why must it be that I'm never satisfied.
Except in wishing for death that I'm glad.
And wish for more pain to get what I deserve,
For it's in my pain that the fear resolves.
It's the end that I wish was near.
Just living life is what I fear.