i think I’m a lesbian because I’ve never felt any attraction towards men but maybe I’m just doing it for attention and my brain is tricking me into thinking that I am bc I’ve never had many friends and they normally leave me. And maybe I’m faking my autism symptoms and I’m not diagnosed bc they aren’t real and I’m overreacting bc I’m a horrible person bc none of my friends actually like me and I’m basically their vent page but I can’t speak to any of them about my issues bc they have all of theirs. I have to help them through all of their problems and it stresses me the fuck out bc idk how to understand emotions but they vent to me and I can’t say jack shit bc they only want someone to vent to and now I’m just a fucking therapy friend. I don’t say fucking anything to them bc I want them to like me. I just want friends but I don’t understand how to make them and when I do i don’t understand how to get them to stay so now I’m stuck in this cycle of having no friends and having to pretend to be someone I’m not. Hell, I bring a kazoo to school once and now I bring it every day bc they assigned me the “kazoo friend” and I don’t even fucking like playing the kazoo. None of them actually give a shit about me and I just don’t know what to do. I’m just someone to vent to and play the kazoo when things get tense. They never ask about my feelings or emotions and only care about feeling good themselves.
and now I feel like a horrible person bc they all have anxiety and depression and I want to help them through it bc I care about them but it makes me so upset that I can’t share my feelings bc they don’t understand them or they tell me “ha ha yeh I get that” NO YOU DON’T!!! You don’t fucking destroy ur room try to murder ur parents and punch urself until ur fucking covered in bruises because u ate a single slice of onion. U don’t cry on ur way home bc the people on the school bus were being too loud. U can talk about ur feelings to me, I genuinely care but I want to be able to talk about my feeling but they just don’t let me