I’m sitting In the bathroom close to tears writing this, I did myself up today, did my makeup, put on a nice dress, some jewellery, did my hair- Normally I don’t get dressed in anything but my Pjs unless I’ve got somewhere to be and even then I don’t want to since my stomach hurts all the time and clothes make it worse so it honestly surprised me when I just went for it. I had three nightmares last night, all stupid ones but still enough to make me cry. Mentally I’m not doing any better, still have no clue why I’m so sad and unmotivated when I’ve got a decent life, food in the fridge, a loving family. So why? I don’t understand it but I know this kinda this doesn’t pick and choose, which is a good thing from my Point of view. But hey, I ate! Yet another thing that’s surprised me but my stomach didn’t hurt so much so I figured f it plus it’s been a while, paying the price for it now tho. I also haven’t self harmed in about a three days, not that long maybe but to me it’s yet another, surprising thing. Might change later though if I’m being honest, who knows? I don’t know why I want to cry, I don’t know why I’m sitting in this cold bathroom looking like I’m going somewhere nice while feeling like shit and almost crying. Nothing has really happened to make this a bad day, sure I argued with my parents but not to the point of this, I feel like such a bad daughter and just relative, for so many reasons, I’m almost at the age I’d be going to college. I don’t think I’ll get in to any, I’m so so so stupid. I don’t know what career I want, where I want to go, who id want to be with, anything. I’m scared. I’m not ready for all that I don’t know how to prepare, I suck at everything school related, F*ck I’ve never even been school! I’ve been homeschooled since 7 I was in school for A WEEK. A WEEK. I dropped out, I know I’m stupid. I know that. I'm an introvert, I can’t read social cues or anything, I’ve never properly talked to anyone out of my family and when I do I barely speak. I’ve got no IRL Friends, haven’t since I left school. I don’t know what the hell I'm doing with my life, I don’t even know if I’ve got one, my whole identity is built on a girl living at home who fights with her younger sister. I can’t get a job since I’m not old enough, I can’t volunteer anywhere, I’ve barely left the house all this year and the last. I don’t know what to do. I’ve got no inspiration or motivation for anything anymore, and I mean ANYTHING. I just don’t know.