I don't know what to do anymore

I try and I try and I try

And still not good enough

I gave her all this dead weight piece of shit body had left in it and I was still lazy

Always lazy. Always dumb. Always a bitch. When I have been nothing but the opposite !! She can't see my traumas, she refuses too unless its to use it against my father!! I DONT MEAN ANYTHING TO HER. I DONT MEAN ANYTHING TO HIM. I DONT MEAN ANYTHING TO THEM.

I'm annoying, I'm selfish, I'm a burden, I'm a bother, its why I have little amount of friends and no one ever talks to me. I'm alone. And to my girlfriend who is there when she can be I love you so so so much. I know you won't see this, but you've helped. And I'm sorry I bother you so much with my problems.

But I don't have a purpose here. In a hundred years when I'm dead, maybe someone will be sad but soon they'll get over it. Thats how life goes. In the end it all means NOTHING. So why should I stay?