so to start of with, i have read articles with people saying they're gonna leave the world and it completely breaks my heart but there's not much i can do and that's the problem i feel useless as if i cannot do anything to help and it's created an empty pit in my stomach, absolutely empty. Well to begin with i have a roof to live under, i have a close friend i can tell literally anything to and i have a small but perfect family and yes i'm so grateful but i feel so empty inside, like i jus wanna do nothing all day and jus lay on the floor and look at the ceiling and jus zone out...it feels nice. I also like to believe what other people say, telling me that i'm pretty and i also have a guy that..i think...wants to talk to me and yes i'm grateful for every damn thing i have yet i feel like so...dead. Like i only feel temporary happiness, maybe this guy could make me happy but he could also be like the rest and just leave after all we've been through but that's okay cause i know how it feels..the cycle all over again. and again.and.again. but that's not it, i used to be good at school but recently my grades have been dropping and being brown in an Indian household..bad grades is a huge thing and a huge problem. All i wanna do is jus sleep till my problems go away but we all know that's not gonna happen...i jus want to be in the point of my life where im with the love of my life and i can live my life without anyone telling me what i can and cannot do. i just cannot wait to leave this house so yeah...it sounds bad but it's true...the sad truth. im really jus spilling all my thoughts here. another thing is the guy ive been talking to is gonna meet me soon and i cant help but think of the bad things that are gonna happen e.g. he leaves or he ghosts me after the day, the other thing is that my single ass has never been on a date before but OTHER problem is that he hasnt told me 9its a date but he doesnt treat me like a friend, its almost as if we both know its a date but still keep it a secret, like he acts like he cares but this could jus be me seeing shit again....idk man. i honestly have no clue but i wanna live my life, im gnna go and have the time of my life, idc anymore im jus gnna do it and hope it goes well so yeah. jus do it...whatever you're thinking of..life's is too fucking short...jus do it. live life, to its full potential. go tick off ur bucket list. go kiss that guy. go buy that thing you've always wanted. sneak out and dance in the rain while drinking monsters and listening to "slow dancing in the dark - joji) one day these will all be memories to look back on and smile. these memories r the type of happiness that isn't temporary..it will live in ur heart till the grave so go...do it. :)(i have no idea how that became so positive but yeah).