First of all...I'm 20,I'm a sports person and I'm really scared of everything basically...I'm scared to talk to boys or see anyone in their eyes...I'm kind as far as I know...but still people hate me for no reason... Is it wrong to love people and care for them and they dont do the same when im in pain?....I have friends who betrayed or backstabbed me and left me when I need them the most. Just like any other...I had a crush too😂...I thought why should boys make the first move...so I gained all my guts and started approaching him little by little...he was never interested in me anyway...but I was too stubborn to admit it. I still love him but I hate him too...he did not reject me but scolded me and I was embarrassed by his talk when I said I loved him. Fine thats point 1. Then coming to my friends...I love to have fun and am so loving to people...but they take advantage and hurt me...insult me...scold me...I have noone to share how I feel or say something fun that happens everyday. When I confronted them about this...they blamed me for everything because I was depressed and tried to suicide due to constant insults,embarrassments,loneliness,peer pressure,family hating and loving me,heart break...and among this I had to concentrate on my sports and studies...noone...believed that I had depression...noone came forward to help me out of this...I literally had such a mindset that whenever something bad happens I had to suicide...thank god I didn't do it and I came out of this depressed period on my own in this lockdown....although these sick memories are haunting me everyday...I still try hard to stay strong and hide my sadness behind my smile....it feels like there is no escape....I wanted to tell all this to someone....but I have no one to understand me without judging me to be so stupid about life.I don't know what to do...I wanted to start a new life...with new mindset and to make my parents proud...it gets worse everyday...god help me.