Im glad in this generation teens can "express" or have these feelings early without being judge. But not all of us though
I suffer with depression ever since my dad passed away i was only 12 im now 15. Ive always been pressured to do good in my exams and honestly i dont do the best. I instead try to ignore the real world with music and anime and etc. But it doesnt work that way unfortunately. Last year i finally stopped fully of self harming. why? It wasnt for myself it was for the people around me. I felt guilty which takes me down even more. I stopped 2 half years of self harm because i see my mother crying yet in my eyes i just felt this was worse then the blood dripping of my hands and my thighs. I hated myself, seeing hoe much i cause to others. I feel like a burden.
Back then i lived in a different country so it was just my mom, brother and i. But noe im back home i feel like an outcast yet i feel like i want to perish. I made new friends whom were way above better then the friends i had in the past who were toxic. I come from a wealthy family you could say. I go to a private school my best friend's dad is the 2nd rank as a boss for a bank and so on. Basically my life sounds fine if my family wasnt oh so much abt reputation.
Ive done so many careless mistakes or i get people angry or sad without trying. Because i feel guilty of others around me i tend to keep things to myself and cowardly walk away trying my best not to cry in front of others. My own mothrr says i need to friendlier and open up yet when i do typical mothers have to lecture us afterwards or say its just our thoughts and bla bla. So, im known to be friendly and loud at school just to show my mother yet on the way i met amazing friends and they found out my true colours yet still stayed and i havent felt so, important or hapoy in a while but its like i have bad luck around me. I feel like i stick with thr same people a lot and they might feel annoyed. Heres me again feeling like a burden. It hurts. I always feel like im a waste. Am i the only who truly feels like this everyday? Im a burden.