I am thinking of committing suicide.
I can say that once I was really good - smart student, member of several organizations, productive employee. But they are all not me now. I lost my mojo. I miss my old self.
I should have been promoted twice but both times they were halted because of my fucked up decisions in life. I don't think I have made a single good decision in my life. I always made the wrong moves. I can no longer endure this. I am always afraid of failure but my life is is becoming one.
I know it's not good thing to check on your classmates' lives but they are all living their dreams now. What's worse is I am supposedly smarter than them. I try to convince myself that my time will come but I am losing all the positivity to continue believing.
I just stumbled on this site because I am looking for a place where I can write all of these. Of course, I am not gonna use my social media accounts. I am not good in talking or sharing my feelings to other people. I keep these all to myself. The negatives keep piling up. I feel alone.