Every morning I put on this confident act, that makes me seem invincible to the haters and shit that gets thrown at me, "never let anything get you down" is what I tell myself, it sounds possitive but its more like " no one will care about your hurt feelings so dont even bother being upset". I'm actually incredibly sensitive and the hurtful comments hurt so bad, their judgemental words get to me all the time and damn do I want to cut myself every time the insecurity creeps in but I keep telling myself that the people I care about will be sad but even that is becoming an weak deterent. I've been clean for over a year but it's becoming more and more difficult as I realize just how insecure and sensitive I actually am. I feel so unwanted and repulsive but I can't change that, only pretend to the best of my ability. I cry alot, im depressed, but feel incredibly helpless because the situation I'm in makes getting real help really difficult. I'm scared of relapsing because I know once I start again I won't be able to stop and soon enough people are going to start leaving me. im scared of my head, my thoughts and the voices. I never feel good enough, I feel dirty, bruised, damaged and who wants to fix something when they can just find something else better?