I have been angry for almost the entire year of 2020.
I'm unable to control my anger and I want to seek help, I can't figure out how , whom and where to look for help.
It started with lockdown and during the last trimester of my pregnancy and continued into post delivery.
It got worse by the time.
Now I almost get angry at the drop of the hat.
I at times vent it on my dog or baby too for (few seconds) but then feel guilty of it.
Regardless of the topic of discussion, most of the times I have been disagreeing with my mother , and mom in law too.
I can explain it to my mom, but I'm worried my mother in law might have already judged me.
Point of triggers :
I'm kind of a minimalist, I don't usually buy stuff but my mom in law is the opposite of me. Whenever she suggests something to be bought for the baby I'm getting into argument mode. Sometimes this happens even when she is right.
My mom in law, because of her age and health, she is slow but very patient. While I'm busy with baby she takes care of the rest of the work, with the help of a cook and a maid.
She is a good person and arguing with her is making me feel bad.
She keeps suggesting me on every thing I do , be it baby food, baby feeding etc. Her constant say about everything is making me go mad. She gets easily worried for nothing, like for ex, if the baby drinks breast milk in the morning twice or thrice, she doesn't eat solids for breakfast because she is full and this worries my MIL. I'm not able to take that "being worried" too.
Whenever I ask my husband to do some work, she interrupts saying I'll do it don't worry. I don't want to strain her or ask more from her. So irritated with the discussion, I finish that work instead of asking my husband to do it.
My husband is good person too. But he most of the times runs away from some chores like drying the clothes or taking care of the baby for sometime so that I can take a break. At times he is happy to help but most of the times he tries to postpone things or duck it off to his mother. Which angers me. Yes, I understand he has office work too but atleast on weekends he could take care of the baby or spend more time with the baby. But no , he is busy with something or the other, like learning something or reading a newspaper, or sleeping.
I feel lighter after writing this but the cycle starts again.