So, I can love people, I have loved people. I have been able to multiple times, and every single time its different. Not just the romantic kind of love. I have tried to love certain families who have tried to take me in. Im in foster care, I myself havent even been loved correctly. My parents chose the thing that everyone do these days, drugs. And of course, I have had families say they want to foster me. Adopt me. You know all the jazz. I just am having the most trouble with the "romance" You see, I used to love guys. I still love men, I can also love girls. Either or is fine perfectly fine. But I just want to say, I have only fallen deeply for only a man, I dont think I understand my sexuality, I know what I am. But I dont understand it, I forgot the specific terminology of what its called, but I can only date woman. I can date woman and love woman, but I can also have a strictly sexual relationship, its the only sexual part that I can want from men. At least that is what I thought I had, I have found out around this time last year that I can love a man. I loved this guy, his name was Jackson. He is such an amazing human, and I loved with everything I could give. I did try with him, but I had some problems, I was only 13. He was 16, my friends were jealous. I got pressured into breaking up with him. We were so in love, we could have been together for years and years. There was other problems too, I had moved 125 miles away from him in Phx. He lived in tucson. But then I moved back, but that was long after we had broken up. I loved him, and I didnt get over him until later this year. We had started dating on 11/22 and its kind of weird because the person i am dating now, (Luis) he and I started dating on 10/22 its very weird. I now love the man who had made mistakes, he has cheated. He has given me love and attention, he has given me a lot of things. But you know im only 14, there isnt a love of things that I can know or not know. I know this is all just young love and such, I know this. I just wish it wasnt so complicated. I was always told that you shouldnt date until you are looking for marriage. I truly do love this guy, hes a bit older again. 16.. yeah okay im now realizing I have a type. yeesh, I just wish love wasnt so complicated. My boyfriend, he is very sexually active. Not literally, like about to have sex, hes still a virgin and thats very obvious. I just mean like hes active in that department, hes asked for pictures, he has sent things. We get pretty involved in that area, and dont get me wrong, I dont not enjoy it. I just wish I was 8 again, when I didnt have to worry about how pretty I looked. If I had good shape of eyebrows, when it was scary to want to kiss a boy. I miss that innocence of a childhood. I just want that back. But its gone, my childhood was snatched and stolen way before I realized it and could take it back. Now I am a 14 year old girl, with trauma of multiple different assaults, multiple different records, multiple of things on my plate. The normal, per usual shit. I guess I am just done with love. I am done with life. I am done with pretending, putting on a smile. I am just done. xoxo, v