I started feeling lonely and its been getting worse, now I'm only not doing the big S because I have to be strong for my family and it'll be one more way I can be disappointing. I'm starting to question my sanity. I'm just sad, I feel like I have no purpose, I have no future, I'm a disappointment, annoying, a crutch, pointless, pice of shit who will never amount to anything, having no communication skills, I started going to the gym and it WAS helping some, until it all just came back.. I need Someone to talk to that is my age but where do I get that? One of my 2 friends that don't even reply anymore? I'm starting to think that all of the friendships I've lost were completely my fault because I was obnoxious, and that has stuck with me since the first one I lost, I wasn't good enough I always had to be second and I was okay with it until recently I realized the problems, anther scenario I supposedly set them up to fail, and I caused the misfortune, and I didn't I tried my best to help, but I wasn't good enough. The two now I have no clue what's going on but ittl just be another name to add to the books. I just wish I was enough, but I'm not, and I feel like if I came to terms with it it would become easier, I'm starting to break. I don't ask for much, all I want is to be enough. I guess I'm too selfish dumb and my head is too far up my ass for it to matter. I guess I'm at terms with the selfish horrible bitch I am and I won't ever be enough.