i feel like ive been trying for so long, faking everything, but my "friends" only know the fake happy side of me. My family turned on me i only have my mom and grandma.. nothing is financially okay and its been like that my whole life. i moved countries and at least where i used to live i had money to eat and buy things but as soon as i moved my "family" that told me my whole life growing up that they loved me decided it was a good idea to not help us at all. i left my friends, my school, my life, everything. my dad died. my dog died. my mom has a mental illness and my grandma is growing old. i have nothing to look forward to and i hate thinking abt me living past 20 yrs old. im only alive bc of my mom and grandma, if it werent for them i would be gone rn.. i had hope for 2 years now and i just keep getting dissapointed, my grandma is so stressed and my mom is too but weve been stuck for so long now and im getting tired of trying to give myself hope everyday just for it to be snatched from me after recieving bad news every week. its so tiring. also knowing ill never have my dream life, im only a teen once in my life and my teen years are already coming to an end, i havent even done anything fun or memorable. i just feel hopeless and i dont think ill go on any longer.. thats it. i had to let it out. im so thankful for having a roof over my head and to have had the friends i had where i grew up, for my old school, because although i didnt even know, i was so happy in my old city where i grew up and i thought i was unhappy.. when i actually had very very very happy moments and very very very bad moments.. but here where i moved to, everything is bad. i cant remember the last happy moment ive had in the last 2 years. im tired..