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im just so fucking disgusting

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im too ugly to leave the house, or go to school. i want to go outside and lie on the grass, i want to look up at the clouds and feel the breeze in my hair. i want to climb trees and kick soccer balls and play volleyball but my arms are too weak my legs shake when i walk, and i cant bear to have someone look at my face. i want to go out on walks to the tree lined streets and buy desserts but i never look good enough. i want to go out and have fun with my friends but i end up saying no when they invite me places because again, how can i go out with this hideous face and grotesque body? my skin is uneven in color, ive got dark circles that never go away no matter how much i sleep, my nose is much too wide at the tip and its got a bump, my smile is disgusting even though i already had braces.. much too narrow for my liking. my eyebrows never seem to stay in place, my cheeks are too fat, the shape of my face is warped and disfigured,,, my hair is dry no matter what i do- i want to cut if but then what if it looks worse? and my body.. my breasts too small and sag to the side, my waist not small enough, (surprisingly my stomach is flat so ive got no complaints about that) my thighs much too big for my figure and my ankles so thin that it looks like you could break them just by grabbing them. im consumed by the hatred i have for my appearance and its stopping me from going out, every time someone invites me somewhere instead of getting excited i feel only dread because ive got no clothes to make up for my looks and no looks to make up for my lack of outfits. i lose either way and im going to high school in july. i was in a private school that had uniforms and honestly it made things so much easier but now ive got to have clothes and ive got to look almost flawless if i want to have friends, and all of this is too much and im driving myself insane and i just want help but no one takes me seriously because “youre just insecure.” yeah i KNOW i am but i must have some orher type of problem and just please help me i dont want to continue suffering like this, not for more years than i already have. i dont know what i want because words of reassurance dont work even though they should, its me ITS ME. i am disgusting and i dont know how to change it. ive lost motivation for everything, ive got nothing to make up for my appearance and its so infuriating. i dont know if im angry or if im sad





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