I'm losing

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I am losing.

I no longer have motivation to try. I have lost myself, it’s killing me. I no longer feel anything I should, when I should be happy I’m not, I’m not sure why but I do. I’m scared t live but at the same time I’m scared to die. I’m always told I need to get better at this or become this or that and that I’m better than this and that I’m not reaching full potential. I’ve lost friends, I’ve found what I felt was love but I got hit with a complete 180 from the other person. I’ve come to hate what I see in the mirror. I just don’t want anything anymore. There’s no appeal to trying. But time keeps flying by, and I can’t keep up. I’ve been lost. Everything is in my head. My dad keeps telling me my friends will keep passing me by and that I’ll be alone eventually. I don’t want that. But my best isn’t satisfactory and all I’ve become is all I don’t do. I am not enough, for anyone, and when I am I am too much, either way they’ll leave, and one of my greatest fears is to be alone, and it seems that fear is the only future I have now. I hate it, I hate it all. I'm in high school damnit, and my heart and soul feel so old.

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