Im lost

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I used to do things on my own ever since i was a kid, my parents were divorced so i grow up with my mom and sister. Im a boy so i was always left out, im envious with my friends at school because they have a dad, a dad that teach them how to do things. Now 10 years have passed, they decided to let me and my sister stay with my dad here in new zealand(because of financial problem). Just when i found comfort with my friends there, they didn't even let me make a choice. The things that i was expecting ever since i was a kid, having a father, but when i came here it was ruined. My father have a third child and he's a fucking mongoloid, i FUCKING HATE THAT LITTLE FUCKER. So i was suffering when i was a child, figuring things on my own, trying not to cry because i was all alone, and that fucker have it all. So right now im basically starting from the scratch with nowhere and no one to lean on. I guess im the "middle child" that always left out. Im so tired with this life, always trying to fake my smile.

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