6 months ago
Time Spent- 5m
8 Visitors

im mad at him but i dont have the right to be

i don’t know what you want me to do.

you ask for reconciliation and tell me that you are completely fine

but how come after a while you say

ive thought about it a lot

and you really screwed me over

i tried to tell you that i would fix it if you would let me

and I haven’t gotten a chance.

you said you were going to figure out how to trust me; so why did you take it back? i was on the brink of letting myself fall for you again. ha, oh how stupid of me to think.

you said that you still liked me, but do you really still do? because I know for sure what my feelings are towards you. which is why I’d do almost anything to regain that trust.

if you knew you were going to just leave again, why did you come back?

may i remind you that you’re the one that messaged me and said you wanted to try and be friends.

I was already letting you go by then. I was so close to pushing you to being nothing more than a memory inside my mind. I thought you despised me.

and now I’m back here. I’m back to missing you because I was foolish enough to let you back in. you were so close to being gone. was it some kind of ploy? if you knew you were still unsure about trusting me why did you say that you wanted to try? wanting to try and trust me means that you were ready to let me fix what I broke. it is not something you should walk into, still undecided.

but I told you I wasn’t ready. I needed time I recoup because I was so broken after realising that I broke you. I was not – I AM not - completely fine like you are. I couldn’t sleep or eat I cried every night I lost so much weight because I felt so guilty about hurting you... did you know that? I fell into a hole and I don’t want to go there again but I feel like im falling back down after working so hard to get back up.

I can’t say that I know how you feel – but I do have an idea of what I did to you and I hate myself for it. it is my fault, I know, and you are in every right entitled to terminate the remnants of that relationship at your will.

but if you knew you wouldn’t trust me the same, why would you text me and want to be friends?

why wouldn’t you just stay gone? because now we’re both hurt again and there’s no remnant to salvage anymore.

all that’s left is dirt.

there’s nothing left to dig.

and I’m ready to leave it like that.

I’m guessing you are too.

don’t talk to me unless you’re truly ready, if that time would ever come – I don’t know if I can handle you leaving again.

hoping to bump into you at some point in the distant future and wishing you the best,

z.