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I'm messed up

Ever since childhood.. I didn't get that much love. People faked it more than actually doing it. I hated it. Even now i hate it. I don't like my parents. Those i call friends.. They are too busy with themselves. I feel empty all the time. Most of the nights i cry.. They say that if there is anything i wanna say then to split it out. But how am i supposed to tell something when they are too busy for me? I don't want sympathy. I'm good to be alone. But sometimes.. Some people just come in out life... Hold our hands.. And then after some time.. They leave it. Why tf do you even hold it if you can't hold forever?! This really sucks! I need somebody to pat my head. I need a chest to cry on. I need someone to be there by my side so that i never feel alone.... All these were my pleads.. But.. I thought that.. Maybe they are too much to expect from someone.. Or maybe i don't deserve them... So.. I started keeping myself quiet. To every people.. I faked it. I said i was all good even though i was crying bitterly just to listen to me for some minutes. But i couldn't trust anyone.. Don't know why.. But.. I just couldn't. Now i don't like my parents, i, sometimes, hate their voices, i don't like my relatives or any other family member. I don't talk much to anyone... Just to make everything short i say I'm ok, and.. Everything is alright. I don't know how long I'll be able to hold myself.. Because i am suffering. Not from one single thing.. But many other too. But no one.. NO ONE bothers to look at me properly.. I don't wanna believe it.. But i guess.. I am actually worthless.