I’m messed up

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When I was around 5 I got molested by my uncle didn’t know it was a bad thing at first but then my parents owned a big restaurant which I often after pre school stay inside the kitchen or the lobby I got sexually assaulted by a young guy who worked there it wasn’t more of an assault but he took me into his room which was on top of the restaurant he taught me how to kiss to keep my mouth open and put my tongue out I did as he said I can’t remember why but I used to play with him a lot so maybe that’s why I listened to him..He taught me how to give a BJ and he touched me in places where no one should have at an age I was but he didn’t make me have sex with him he continued to take me to his room every single day after that until one day another friend of his asked me to give him. BJ in the washroom of the restaurant I proceeded to do so..I have learned and opened upto sexual stuff ever since I was only 5 years old I didn’t even know what mastrubation was but I was doing it since then when I came of age and understood what sex was and what self pleasuring is only did I realize what bad of a person I have been and what I did with them was really so messed up I couldn’t forgive myself and still can’t thinking about those memories I’m 19 now..Idk if I should tell my mom or keep it like a distant memory I just want to forget...I feel really ashamed of myself and have anxiety issues whenever I’m speaking to someone always lowering my head..Have attempted countless of suicides..Idk what’s wrong with me

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