I'm not afraid to die anymore. I self-harm but I was still afraid to die. But now I'm not afraid of the dark or what's in it. I'm not afraid to leave the doors unlocked. I'm not afraid of my mom. I'm not afraid of the trains that always go past my house. I get a physical pain when I'm stressed, and I don't wince when I get it anymore. I'm not afraid of my aunt who tried to kill me once. There's just so much shit that I just can't deal with anymore. I'm always thinking about what I should do about it but that's the thing I'm afraid of. Telling my friends and family it's their fault. They would feel guilty but it's just because I'm sensitive and overthink. They make a tiny mistake and I don't mention it, but then I wipe off the smile and go back to crying. It's funny 'cause my biggest fear used to be suicide, but now my biggest fear doing the one thing that would stop me from committing. It's hard to do homework and eat when I'm always thinking about this. I don't care to go outside anymore. I don't care that I have F's in every class. I don't really care about anything and I don't know how to start.