I’m not depressed but why??

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As far as I’m aware I’m not depressed. But for some reason sometimes my head likes to think of ways to self harm or try to commit. I have no clue why it’s happening. I’m not depressed as I’m happy at times but I still get sad mostly. I don’t want to mention it to my sister or mum as I don’t want to worry them like what if it’s nothing serious. I’ve had something happen last year that probably started that sad feeling but it was quite a while ago and the weird feelings of trying to do stuff to myself was awhile later. I’m really really confused can someone please help

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