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I'm not wife-material after all

I've been engaged to this amazing guy for over a year now. I'm kind of relieved that covid postponed our wedding and that makes me sad to say.


Recently I started developing this stupid crush on literally any guy that isn't my fiance. I guess it is because we moved away from his home to a new place. I guess it's because his new job is keeping him busy. I guess we are both very stressed and for the first time I'm not the only one working 12 hours a day. Maybe I feel neglected, I don't know.


We've been talking about having kids for a while now. I do really want kids and besides the fact that he is genetically very compatible with me, I know he will be a great father and husband. But I am horrified that 2 years down the line I feel cheated out of my life, that I feel trapped in a marriage with kids.


There's so many things that started bothering me about him recently. They've always been there and I've never had an issue with them.

He's arrogant, and gets angry at things quickly (not at me though). He is a bit of a hypochondriac and complains way too much about his anxiety. He doesn't like my family, which upsets me but doesn't surprise me since I don't like them either.


I don't jump into relationships easily, and this one was definitely well thought through before it was attempted, by both of us. But I also never struggled to let go of a relationship if it wasn't working for me. But this one I am not prepared to let go.


Just, how... how do I fix this? How do I make myself feel the way I felt about him before the move? Without lying to myself more and more, and without lying to him on a daily basis.