4 months ago
Time Spent- 2h 26m
49 Visitors

Im okay, ill be alright

Hey!

Im thirteen years old, I have a brother a mother a father. My brother is currently in a foster home, my mother is currently in jail, and my dad is currently gone clinically insane. I have been in foster care for years and years, my mother did drugs. Father smoked weed, brother has ADHD and is hyper all the time. I have PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety. I have the most problems out of me and my brother. I have three other siblings, two brothers, and a sister I have never ever met before.

I listen to a lot of music, I write all my feelings, I have been heartbroken, I have gone days without eating, I have been beaten half to death, I have cut myself, I have eaten a food that I knew could kill me, I have taken too many pills, I have smoked too much weed. I have tried to kill myself, I have almost OD, I had to kill someone because I needed to protect me and my brother when I was ten, I had to do a lot of things I never wanted, I have been raped multiple times, I have tried and tried to help myself, I have tried and tried and tried and tried and tried.

I am just so done, with this thing called life.

I have tried it, and all its done is kick me down, I dont know what else to do other than just give up. I have tried to be soft, and passive, and just suck up to everyone.

But one of these days I am going to

E x p l o d e .. .. .. ...

But its okay, ill be alright





Replied Articles

4 months ago

Re: Im okay, ill be alright

It's very sad what people doing today with Innocents ,

Can u escape from what u have forced to do , then escape , if any person u know , who they can help you ,take help from them , 😞

Is there any police station ,

You can go if possible

Bt if u want to overcome from it you have to take hard decision escape and goto police station ,

Don't kill yourself before punishing them

Never try to suicide u did nothing wrong then why should u try to kill yourself they should suicide ,

Become strong , and do anything possible to be good and happy .



Wow. A younger me.

I’ll give you a few basics. I can’t discuss the hard stuff. Hurts too much.

Dad tried to kill me. Mom left me to die in woods. Swapped back & forth by people who starved me; tortured me; raped me, used me as a slave.

Tried to kill myself. My drug was sex. At 12 I started having consensual sex with adult women.

I used my anger in martial arts; in weight lifting.

I learned to focus on others. I bettered myself in college to provide for my family. So I could afford to give more to children & the homeless in need.

I took EMT training to help people in wrecks.

Like you I distract myself. Movies. Drawing. Music. Reading.

My saving grace. I accepted Jesus in my heart. I ask him to hold my hand. I’m not the annoying judge mental type. I believe in love. But I will fight to defend myself.

As a boy someone tried to abduct me. Thought me a girl. I messed them up.

We gotta survive brother. That joker who went after you & your bro deserved it. So F him.

I’m 60 now. You can do it to. Like me; your strong. You’ve made it this far. Make it the rest of the way. Help your brother. I protected & helped other kids in my house being harmed. Like you & me they get down & depressed. But they are great parents. I’m a loving good parent.

Your a survivor. Hang in there.

God Bless


You see... I know who you are actually.


I have seen you reply to people, I have read your own things.. I feel like a stalker cause whenever I click on someones writing and then read their replies your almost always on there..


I know this because you always say your 60 now.


I wanna say, from what ive seen and what you have told people you really are a good person at heart... I recently turned fourteen and its still the same.

But you said something one time in one of your articles that I truly liked, you talked about how your parents never truly understood or loved you the way you wanted them too(something along those lines) and it just kind of stuck with me.

I recently got into contact with my mother again like literally not even a week ago.. She wants to meet up, she wants to apoligize for all the mistakes and shit she has put me through.. to be honest I thought I was going to see her.. I in the end though could not. I didnt want her to kidnap me and sell my body or just me in general.. I didnt want to be a sex slave.. Her uncle, my great uncle, had brutally raped and drugged me to the point where I had major seizures and did go into cardiac arrest. She since then, "hasnt been the same". Its honestly such such bullshit, i think about her and my mother everyday and it never gets better. i have dreams of both of them killing me. She has been through so much, and I get that, I completely understand that. But me being only fourteen and know how to handle almost all of the shit that not only did she put through, but also caused, just shows how much older I could ever act compared to her..


My brother, you said help my brother..

I wish everyday and pray to god for me to be able to help him.. He is in a mentally and manipulative home that we both lived in four about five years together, and then about a year ago, I had to leave because they decided they wanted to adopt him and only him.. I was a very upset eight year old, I ran from home all the time, I stole shit from people and I did a lot of drugs..


Its also very hard to have a kind and gentle relationship with my brother because we both have a lot of the same trauma, I have a lot more sexual trauma because my mother made me watch her and my dad have sex when I was only seven or eight. that was and will forever be burnt into my memory.. i will never forgo nor forepast that..

Me and my brother have something that is called a, "trauma bond". If you dont know what that is, you can look it up or I can just tell you..


So because me and my brother have similar trauma we both have similar triggers, for me its loud noises.. Anything like a loud bang or pow or anything of the sort gets my anxiety up and high. And for my brother thats all he does, so I always end up in a hurt state all the time. For him, its soft and quiet anything.. Anything soft and quiet or just complete silence makes my brother go nuts.. So as you can see its very very hard, we trigger eachother so much we could probably like idk..


anyways,

god bless and best wishes to you sir..

if you even see this:)

bye