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I’m ready to end it

I never vented online but I never got the chance to fully vent about how I truly feel in my life. Right now I’m on the last string that’s holding me together and it’s slowly about to break. I’ve been in foster care for 4 years and I’m still emotionally traumatized. I had social workers and county workers forced me to not see my parents and do whatever it took to do so. It caused me so much pain and stress I now am battling 5 mental disorders. Over the 4 years I watched my parents deteriorate in front of my eyes every time I saw them rarely and every time it hurt as time went by. They have been homeless now for 3 years and my mom is done for. She is so mentally damaged she thinks there’s souls and “people” trying to torture me because I’ve been away from her for so long which caused her to go insane. The amount of pain I am in everyday makes me go crazy. Every day I want to committ suicide and I don’t know what to do. I am in constant fear and pain and I cry about a couple times a day. Seeing my parents homeless because of what the foster care system did to my family is putting me a suicidal thoughts. Oh how I just want to be a peace...

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Re: I’m ready to end it

You’ve made it this far. And that all seems like hell. But you’ve made it this far why end it now. Suffering changes people drastically. Guilt can break people and I often misplaced. If you think life is a thing that you can actually control then it’s gonna hurt you alot. Please keep going you can’t give up. One day your parents will have to pass, im sorry but only then i can see things get better as you can reflect as an adult and see what the pain has molded you into for the better.