My husband came after me tonight. I wanted to watch one of my shows on his YouTube, he got angry. It would screw up his algorithm. It was trixie and katya, a couple of gay men who cross dress, and he wouldn't let me use his sign in. Innocent enough until he flipped. I had mentioned his masculinity and fear of gays, his toxic masculinity. He began to rage at this point, he started to personally attack me. Saying all I had was dried up ovaries, (I mean why would I want kids with him) and 2 dogs. It was immature and I called him out on the personal attacks. At this point he brought out every way to call me a stupid bitch...I retreated to my room. I shut the door and locked it. He proceeded to bang on the door and call me every name in the book and berated me in all ways possible until I told him I was recording everything. Finally he stopped. I'm scared. I've been with him for 15 years and now at 36, have I wasted so much time with him?. I want to leave but at the same time I am settled. This fight happens every 3 to 4 months, this is the worst it's gotten. So far. I have nothing substantial in life. I just hope sometimes I die early. I'm just nothing. I'm scared and nothing.