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Im scared

I have really severe depression and anxiety and at this point I can definitely say that. I feel alone, nobody to talk to about how I feel. That Im slowly loosing my mind by myself. I know some people find it easier to be on their own, I tried to make myself believe that because I feel pathetic. I act like I can cope on my own, I say that I just need time alone when thats the last thing I need. I keep saying its ok, its fine, its alright but really its not. I need someone to talk to but Im scared I'll drive them away. I want a boyfriend but Im scared they will leave me because Im a depressed, insecure, broken mess. Ive developed bad trust issues over the years because people keep hurting me. Then I hurt myself more when I overthink. Im scared. I yearn for the affection, to feel cared for, to not be scared to show my scars, to talk about how I feel, to be comforted. I think Im a nice person, I try to be. I try my best to help people when I can, I empathize. So why am I so alone? I guess thats what makes me so gullible and thats how I get used and stepped all over. What did I do wrong to meet such horrible people. I believe there are nice and genuine people out there. But then again Im so anxious and scared that at this point its hard for me to socialize. Im just hoping that one day someone will find me..instead of me searching for them. Its been hard, I mean I recently met another asshole..but whats new.