I am in so much pain. I don't even know what to say. I'm just so sick of keeping it a secret from everybody. I am depressed and nobody knows. Nobody cares. I want to die but at the same time I am too afraid to die. Like the one thing that would bring a relief to me is the most terrifying thing in the world. Every time I try to open up to anybody I just can't. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep living like this but there is no way out of this. I just can't do it anymore.