TW: SUICIDE AND ABUSE......!!!!!!!!!
im shaking so much and crying so badly. i called 911 on someone who has abusive parents and is very suicidal. i barely know her and she trusted me. she told me how she tried killing her self again and she told me not to tell anyone about it. i called my friend to talk to her and we talked for a while since i got as much information and evidence through our one conversation. i ran to my mom crying so badly, she called 911 and the police showed up to her dad’s house. i saw the girl’s chats turn into all caps and more and more typos coming onto the screen. she said how the police showed up to her dad’s house and she was balling her eyes out asking who called suicide prevention on her. i tried denying it was me until she privately dm’ed me on instagram saying “i know it was u. i’m not mad. but please don’t do it again. i trusted you. and they showed up at my dad’s house” i feel so fucking bad. my heart is hurting so damn much i want to rip it out so badly. i’m so fucking scared her dad is going to do something worse or she’s going to try to attempt because of me. i hate myself so badly because i knew i should’ve shut up about it. but i fell a little bit of joy that she dm’ed me a few hours later saying,” i know you had good intentions” i don’t want her to hate me and i hate that she has to do this because i used to be so fucking hurt. i want the best for her but i’m scared that i made everything worse for her. as her chats lost all her energetic and all the “lmaos” and the keyboard smashes. and if she sees this somehow i want to say i’m sorry. i really did want to help and i thought that was the best way i could. your friends fucking suck by laughing at it instead of helping you, and i wanted you to get away from all the degrading yourself. i hate it so fucking much that you tried killing yourself twice or even more times. i’m sorry that you don’t trust me anymore, i’m sorry that i just made things worse i promise that’s not what i tried to do. i wanted to get you away from everything and i don’t mean this because i just feel bad i fucking love you and i really do. and i really don’t want to to be going through that especially when i saw that picture of you having to lock the door with a string it broke me so badly and i fucking hated myself so much because with couldn’t stop shaking. how slow the 911 call felt because my brother kept fucking things up. i’m so fucking sorry i really am. please don’t go. it’s my fault