I’m dying from a disease it seems. I sleep in an a unheated storage room. But I will never fucking give up. I will fight till my last breath. Please read this.
Life was hard. But by my mid 20’s it started looking up. I married my best friend. Bought a house. Got a great job. Had kids. In my 40’s I met my favorite athlete ever. Nearing 50 I made a friend. They had music connections. I met a lot of famous singers. In high school I had a crush on a singer. Well i got to hang out with her in my 40’s. I watched my kids win academic awards. Play music. Win city; state, & even a national Title. At an out of state sports event i met an actor. He’s one of my favorites. Very cool. Ive owned a cool old sportscar; & a BMW. Ive surfed & dived. Hung out the side of a military helicopter. Helped build something that went to Mars. I got emergency training. Ive saved lives. I breathed life into a boy who turned blue. Saved a tiny girl. Had I killed myself Id never have experienced all of those amazing things later in life. I Love You. Jesus loves you. Please learn to love your self. To calm myself I watch comedies. I listen ro fun music; I sing & dance. I stare at flashing Christmas lights on my wall; or a lava lamp on the dresser as I listen to calm music or watch TV as I drift off to sleep. I hug a large pillow as I go to sleep. Who knows what your life has in store if yiu just have the courage to live it. My best moments were holding my wifes hand. Our first kiss. My kids being born; learning to walk, & saying I Love You Daddy. You get to treat your kids the way you wish you’d been treated. Dont quit. Live this life. Stay in your seat until your turn is over. Then go to Heaven. It will wait on you. I Love You. Jesus loves you. Please learn to love your self. To calm myself I watch comedies. I listen ro fun music; I sing & dance. I stare at flashing Christmas lights on my wall; or a lava lamp on the dresser as I listen to calm music or watch TV as I drift off to sleep. I hug a large pillow as I go to sleep. God Bless
Online therapy. Talkspace.com $65 week. Maybe this will be a good site if dont want goto officr. I goto an office. Ive heard this is a good online option.
Why do you have suicidal thoughts. It starts with brain chemistry; DNA, & environment your brain developed in. You feel depressed; anxious; sad; unloved, & hopeless. Since most of you are like me ill talk a lot about me here. I care too much. If I watch the news i worry about people in wrecks; imigrants; the poor; hurt cops; hurt victims. i cry for people killed. i pray for people & their souls. i worry about my family; friends; neighbors, co-workers, even people who are mean to me. I worry about the environment; endangered species; old growth forest. i worry about the disabled; homeless, elderly. i worry about little boys with no dads. i worry sbout adteroids hitting the earth. I literally lived in a dump for yrs to givr $ to my mom & sister to help their kids. i bought them each s home. Paid for my sisters education. Even though my mom abandoned me as a boy. Even though my sister mollested me; stole from me, & for real tried to kill me. Even after marriage i kept taking from us to give to them. I would help strangers in stores. Help people with broke down cars. Give everyone a ride home. Buy people lunch. Help people in wrecks. It took having kids for me to grow up & find a balance. Ill discuss that next.
How I found a balance. I realized i had a responsibilty to myself. To live for myself. Enjoy life. To put my wife & childrens needs ahead of my family; friends; coworkers, & strangers. i still helped peoole in wrecks if i was the best option. sometimes i only calied for help. but thats still helping. I rarely took people home any more. I did good deeds & helped people; just a lot less of them. i put my kids & wife first. Me next. The rest of the world after that.