I'm stressed to the point of breaking. I know there's something wrong with my brain and how I think but I can't take the first step to getting better. I haven't told my parents how I feel because I'm afraid of judgment. Judgment. That's the thing I'm terrified of, how people think of me. It doesn't matter who, I can't stop thinking about how others think about me. I have so much on my mind and I don't know how to say it. h hh h hh h. I'll start here. I've kind of realised really big things I guess. I'm not afraid of dying because death is inevitable. Everybody dies and nothing will change that. Ngl I don't know why people are so afraid of dying. Is it the fear of what happens after we die? Is it knowing you'll never be able to talk and see your friends and family ever again? I want to die. I know that makes me sound bad, like I don't care about the sadness others would feel if I died. But after you die, that's it. You don't need to worry. Its just over. Done. I know that along with other feelings like happiness and love will also leave you but once you die, you don't need to worry. You just are. You know what's stupid? The fact that I couldn't care less if I died, heck I even welcome it. But I'm scared of pain and judgment. I'm scared of killing myself for the fear that I'll feel pain in my last moments. If I die, I wouldn't want my last feeling to be pain. That and the judgment. If I try killing myself but somehow I miraculously survived, then there would be questions. Questions that I don't want to answer. I'm just tired all the time. I'm decently famous on a coding website for kids and I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I know a lot of people that would do anything to be where I am. To have people tell you that your amazing and that you have talent. But I still feel like bird poo. And it sucks. I haven't even gone over half of what's on my mind but this is good enough. So if anyone's worried that I might kill myself, don't worry I won't. But yeah props to you if you actually read all of this. Sorry that it's so messy and doesn't make sense. And yeah if anyone wants my scratch account u h,, it starts with a C and ends with an i (yes that's all I'm telling you-)