I've never done this before and I just need somewhere to vent because if I don't, idk. I can't do it anywhere else cause everyone just expects me to be happy and up all the time and I'm the one who helps people. I don't want to seem like some attention seeker or idk. I just don't want people to worry. Just typing this out anonymously, is still hard for me cause it's negative. But I'm so tired of hiding everything away nobody really knows me. I'm hurt, I hate myself, and I don't think there's some great future waiting for me. I've already felt like I've never belonged but more so now than ever. It keeps eating at me and it's gotten to the point to where I've started abusing stuff to not remember the day and pass out and hope the next ones better. Idk everything sucks and it really sucks to not want to be here but having to be stuck here for the people you care about. I'm just tired, and I really needed to get this off my chest..