Im so tired, not a sleepy tired, just tired. Idk. I don't want to be here any more I want to go home. I want to live and to be happy but I can't because I feel like I don't deserve it. My life isn't even bad so I have no reason to be like this. Im constantly ghosting freinds and family because I don't have the energy to reply to texts or answer calls. Im sick and tired of being used and left behind. I can't trust anybody and therapy isn't helping. Im just pretending it is so everyone stops worrying about me. I know im loved and I think that's the worst part. They still love me even after I treat them like shit. Im a bad person and I don't deserve any of the love I get. I feel like a monster. There's something wrong with me and nobody will tell me what. I don't want to be like this but a part of me wants to suffer because the voice in my head tells me i deserve it. Im just so tired. I want to go to sleep for a very long time and never wake up. But that's not how it works because I wake up every god damn morning to the same routine over and over again. I'll suffer until the day I die and that's okay. Im tired, and I'm sorry.