This is my first time trying this. I just want to vent without being judged. This year has been really tough on me . I do not like my major, an explosion happened next to my house on August 4 and my grandmother died on september 11. My birthday was yesterday and I thought my friends would do something to surprise me because I really do need something to be happy about. I just want to say that i cried my heart out yesterday because I lost my last speck of hope. I tried discussing this with some people and it felt like I was being toxic, irrational and attention seeker. I really really need to feel good and stop thinking about ending me. Please understand that my soul is tired. Please understand that I need something to make me happy. Please understand that thoughts of ending me are always in my head. But i can't do it. I know i can get over this but i just need a starting point. I need to feel loved and accepted to carry on. I want to love myself but I need help. I can't carry on with people comparing their lives and experiences to mine. I'm really tired please im really tired