(trigger warning, mentions of suicide and some cuss words)
I’ve been in a bad state mentally this past year, everything has been absolute shit.
(excuse my language)
I’ve been told things get better, but i’m thinking otherwise. My heart aches everyday, i cry and cry. I’m not sure if this is depression (since i don’t want to self diagnose myself) or if i’m just sad. I feel worthless, a waste of space and money, i’m convinced that everyone hates me. Including my own father, he was never there for me but i always made excuses for him. Lately i’ve just stopped caring, it’s like something inside me got tired of constantly telling myself that he was just busy or had work, etc. I always knew he would choose my brothers over me, to be honest I can’t even remember the last time he said the words “I love you” to me. It’s fucked up i know, but i can’t stop thinking... I’m an over thinker, that i know. So shit makes me go insane.
I’ve been thinking about suicide, how nice it would be if i just stopped living. Just to be free of all this shit, i doubt anyone would miss me. No one messages me, no one cares for me. It wouldn’t be a big of a difference.