My son was born 36 years ago. From the second he was born he has cried. Colic at first I guess. I was so young and I didn't know what to do. My own mother died shortly after he was born. Then my dad died 2 years later.He has always just been such sweet boy but as he got older his needs and wants just drained me and still do. He's very oppositional defiant. Could never hold a job long and I've always helped him out. Not too over the top but since I have so much guilt when it comes to him I just give when I can. I knew when he was around 14-15 that he was probably transgender. I felt so helpless that I didn't know more about it and I worried someone was going to hurt h because of it. He finally started the transition meds around 5 years ago and now lives as a woman.But the constant needs never stop. It's not money anymore it's just me. She's always, always, always sick with lung issues, stomach problems, you name it and she's had it except doctors can never find the problem. I know that frustration I have some issues too that can never seem to be treated. It's just that it never stops.She calls into work all the time but before she does she calls me to get me to say yes you need to call in. She's never been on drugs, alcohol nothing. Just this never ending tug of me. We live in 2 different states. I had 3 daughters who are all grown and they want nothing to do with her and that hurts so much so I feel horrible about feeling this way. But I do feel this way. For years if I went to visit one of my other daughters she would get angry and say awful things to me about it. Finally I just stopped trying to visit any of them. My youngest and my 2 grandchildren live in the same town as I do.I don't have what it takes to be like this anymore. I have felt really suicidal lately because she grows more and more needy and clingy everyday and it's never going to stop. If I confessed how I feel to her she will go and kill herself. Truth be known I should have never had children. I love them so much but even they know I wasn't cut out for it. Thank you for this safe place.