I know sometimes things are not simply the same. It changes day by day without giving us hint consciously. It might be difficult but it is somehow fun, but what actually fun is that; you discover new things about yourself that you’d never thought it would happen. It’s nothing surprising after all because you know for yourself that it would probably happen in the future or maybe in the present. Discovering something new about you is like a child who just learned new words or vocabularies. But one thing is for sure: I’m not really sure about myself most especially about my sexuality. Some may say I’m straight because I’m really into guys and some are starting to doubt on me and some may totally say I’m gay. AND FVCK YES I AM REALLY GAY. Can you just imagine waking up one morning being confused with everything? Or maybe it’s the result of being addicted to yaoi (boys love) or yuri (girls love) I don’t really know actually. I can’t even judge myself because whenever I read or watch that stuff I just feel something about myself. And as for being curious about my damn self, I started searching up things that might help me regarding with my confusion. Here’s what I got: “not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender identity or for short--- it’s called pansexual. Being pansexual or the pansexuality means that you’re attracted to people of all genders. This includes people who don’t identify with any gender (agender).It would really sound interesting at first but when you really look closer into it, which would totally drown yourself with your own fucking thoughts. With all these research that I made including that one (pansexual) I may say that it totally fucked me up. Yes honestly it doesn’t really matter who or what I like but what matters the most is what possibilities I could get if I continue doing these things. So lately I was wondering about something and I just confirmed it recently that I was starting to be attracted by this one girl I met on the internet. Yes she was cute, she has unique interest which made me admire her even more. She also likes yaoi, yuri, anime and manga. She’s a weeb in exact. And she’s kinda something: she maybe gay or maybe I am just imagining things in my own. Fuck me. So here’s what happened: I recently staked her facebook account and scroll on her previous posts and photos and I reacted on some of it CAUSE HELL DUDE SHE REALLY IS CUTE FROM HEAD TO TOE even though I haven’t seen her bottom yet but I’m pretty sure it’s nice. Well I am starting to sound like a pervert but what am I supposed to do? So after that, in my on fantasy world, I never expected her to notice me at all cause why should she? But God is just so kind and let me be happy with my damn fantasies.It sounds weird but I wanna chase her, I wanna have more conversation with her. I wanna hear her voice laughing over my corny jokes or if possible I wanna meet her personally and tell her that I like her. So lastly, I am just being a hopeless gay who wants to be noticed by her crush and be recognized. If only I have the courage or let me say the confidence I would totally pursue her and even confess my feelings about her. I would court her and make her feel that she deserves more love, attention and affection from someone who truly love her. BUT HOW CAN I EVEN DO THAT? SHOULD I STOP? SHOULD I IGNORE THIS? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.