I’m unhappy when I should be the happiest. I’ve just left the military and my husband and I have just had a beautiful baby boy. I love my family and I’m extremely grateful. Problem is that I don’t want this life. I want to travel and experience new things everyday and do drugs and have passionate sex with strangers. And I wouldn’t mind my husband doing these things with me if he were interested but he’s just money hungry and we want different things. We love each other but our differences have started to tip the scale. I feel like a bad mom all the time for wanting this. I want to be connected with my spirit and not worry about the material things in life. I want to be covered in tattoos and feel my purpose rather than get fat at an office job or just become someone’s housewife no matter how much I love him. But I’m also not brave enough to do anything about it. Therefor I’m always in a depressed state, faking smiles for ppl and faking enthusiasm for my baby (not that he knows the difference lol) and after 25 years of being alive, 7 years of being married, 5 years in the military the saddest fact is that I have nobody to talk to about how I feel.