I keep picturing a wedding. Imagining what could be. How I would look in the dress I've already bought. What I would do with my hair. Making playlists and then deleting them. Planning the food. Looking at cakes. All the stupid things I never thought I would do, the things I never wanted.But then I think, who would even come? Family, sure, if they don't have other plans that day. My only friend, of course. Her boyfriend. And maybe some of my boyfriends friends, again, if they don't have more important things to do. So a wedding for 20-ish people? Great party...And then I remember that he doesn't even want to marry me. He doesn't believe in marriage. And doing it for me is out of the question.Of course. Because as much as I try to convince myself otherwise, the universe keeps telling me that I am a useless being, worthy of absolutely nothing. Disgusting, ugly, false, worthless.But still I keep trying on that dress.