in love with my friend

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It feels so wrong to even think about it, but I'm in love with my friend, who has a girlfriend. The worst thing is that I see how badly she treats him and he doesn't seem to notice her behaviour. She used to be my friend too, but our friendship ended when she accused me of being unsupportive and toxic towards her. I'd always tried to help her with everything but I got so tired I couldn't cope with my problems. Fighting with her cost me not being able to see or talk to him anymore. I worry about him constantly, I miss him every day and I wish that I could talk to him like we used to do. I'm never gonna tell him about my feelings of course, because the thought of ruining their relationship scares me so much and I want him to be happy. I saw him two days ago, he was still so kind to me and I realised how much I screwed up. I know I shouldn't have fallen for him, but I did, and it hurts me to see them being together, despite knowing it is all my fault. I don't have anyone to talk about this, so this is the best thing I could do.

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